maybe it was wrong to begin with or maybe we simply let the sparks die.. i worked hard at keeping the relationship alive. did u?

there was a time when all my unhappiness seemed to be a big deal to you.. but not anymore.

so tired...







Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter, to anyone, anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like the rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?


And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No

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i have a colleague, one year my junior. she's nice to chat to and over lunch & during tea breaks we talk abt life.. she's probably had a very different life from me. While most of us work for money or for a sense of achievement or for a better life, she works to pass time. Her parents supplement her income by.. a lot i guess.. she drives a car that easily buys 3 of Kel's and probably has some change left over.. She has never worked for a cent in her life. And talking about income, she earns (we were both shocked) quite a bit less than me although we're similarly qualified and does almost the same stuff.. Most imptly, I already feel that I'm underpaid. But that's not the point. Point being, she made me envy her for the 1st time today after knowing her for about 2 months or so.. No, its not the bags or the car nor her "nice" neighborhood. Neither did I envy her for her supplemented income. I envied her for a sentance she said.. We were talking about life, about work and about marriage. I mentioned that i don't intend to marry early especially since I do not want children. But she, being the total opposite of me, wanted to marry early and have like 5 children! She asked me why didn't I want to marry early. Even if I don't want children I can still marry early. But to me thats pointless. She said "Why?! I think its so sweet to marry early! I know I will feel very blissful in a marriage! If my bf pop the question, I wldn mind marrying nxt yr!" As far as I know, she finds her current bf not ready for marriage. Emotionally. He is of course from a similar family background. She amazes me cos a moment ago she was being very logical about why we should marry rich and defended her position as practical not materialistic. Having said what she said, she could continue w saying something so idealistic. But this is where I envy her. Her exact words were "wo jue de wo hui hen xing fu!" and she said it with such sweetness in her voice I could swear I saw bees hovering around her.

To me, marriage takes a hell lot of courage and a leap of faith. Its not only a gamble but a senseless thing to do. Seeing her so naively believe she'll be happy, I can't help but envy her. She affirmed my guess that her parents had a very happy marriage.

Am I the only one who keep seeing the negative sides of a marriage among my peers? Why is everyone looking so happy to get married? It IS a good thing of course (it seems to make a lot of ppl happy). But how about the daily nitty gritty stuff? The unavoidable conflicts due to different lifestyles and beliefs? The friction that arise out of staying together and being together almost 24/7? Wouldn't these wear out the strongest "love"? There isn't any insurance for love nor trust. Most importantly, people change. Who is to say that your Mr Right today would still be Mr Right in 10 yrs time? With these questions unanswered why are there so many people jumping into marriage? I'm not anti marriage. I just don't understand it..

Sometimes I dunno how to explain the fear in me. With kel so dense, all the more i knw he can't understand. Haha.. If insecurity is an illness, I have no idea what can treat it. Promises only serve to make it worse.. Money can't buy security for me.. I can't think of anything else that might work.. It just eats into my system and I can't get it out. It makes me scared. Scared of contracts scared of anything that leaves me w little or no choice. Scared of things that closes off the path where i came from..



"所謂山盟海誓　只是年少無知".. how true.. only youths would believe in forever & promises..