life is so fragile.. lately, kel's extended family has been really down in luck.. first, his uncle was involved n an accident arnd christmas. Then, this cousin was hospitalised after being knocked by a bicycle while jogging. Then, another uncle of his passed away.. now, this grandma is in critical condition in the hospital..

we were notified only yesterday.. while shopping at parkway, he received a call from this mom, saying that grandma might pass away soon. we dropped everything and headed towards the hospital.. it was a tough decision on whether i should be there.. i wanted to be there for kel as i knew he was close to his grandma... most imptly, grandma has asked kel to bring me to meet her only recently.. everything has happened too suddenly.. somehow i felt that i wanted to meet her too... kel was concerned i'll feel out of place since all his maternal relatives would be present.. its not exactly a good time to meet his relatives.. he was also worried my mum wldn like it.. but i knew he wanted to bring me there.. eventually, we went..

it was a heart wrenching sight.. the amount of tubes being stuck into her.. to help her breathe.. to lessen her pain.. it looked so painful.. when we reached, her kidney has already failed and the doctors were doing a "blood change" thing for her.. after they were done, kel and i went to see her in the ICU.. she seemed to be unconscious.. but i somehow felt she knew we were there.. we called out to her but there was no response.. kel told her he had brought his gf to see her.. i held her hand.. they were so cold.. so stiff.. it made me tear.. it was really heart wrenching.. it seemed that she wasn't really happy staying where she stayed.. but yet she showered so much care on those grandchildren she stayed with..

as kel and i left the hospital, we glanced at The Pinnacles.. Suddenly all these seem meaningless.. money, branded bags, good food, nice house, fast cars, pretty clothes.. meaningless..

otw home, kel was obviously distraught.. from him, i learnt that his grandma was a cool grandma.. she watches ESPN and discusses players and matches with kel.. she watches wrestling matches even! and since thats one of kel's favourite, they have pretty much in common..

heard from kel she had a heart attack in the hospital this afternoon.. originally, her chances of recovery was 30%.. after the attack, probably 0.01%.. she probably wouldn last the night. giving her max till tml morning..

life is so fragile.. one moment we're there, another moment we're gone..
"I'm a conscious being existing in what I know of as reality."
perphaps one day we'll wake up and realize that what we know of as life so far is but a dream.

Its less than a month to Chinese New Year and also less than a month to grandma's birthday.. i really want her to pull through.. i really regret not meeting her sooner.. but even kel's mum said with tears rolling down, "might be better that she leaves.. she's in so much pain.. and she isn't even happy living where she is.." perphaps..

ironically, the SICU and the labor wards are placed on the same floor, just a turn / corner away from each other.. at the labor ward's corridor, the ambiance is so different from that a turn away.. on one side, people arrive to welcoming arms.. on the other, people depart, letting go of their lives.. its a mini airport..

seeing how kel's siblings rally arnd their mum during tough times made me realise how important it is to have children. but when i think about how some of kel's uncles and aunts treat his grandma, i think to myself "who needs enemies when u have kids?" and i kill the thought of having children again..

if you knew you only have 24hrs more to live, would you be doing what you are doing right now? if not, its time to do something about it..