in the midst of planning for slight renovations to my hse.. sofa, tv console, dinning table, fridge, paint, bed etc.. all are to be changed.. my mum and i have been to lots of places, seen lots of shops, discussed tons of stuff.. can't come to any conclusion.. today at the expo furniture fair, i found a bed frame that i can call my "the one".. its in a deep elbony colour, a bed frame w a uniquely designed shelf attached. With sliding table too.. Its PERFECT. except that its too big for my room even if i throw my table away.. its sad isn't it? i did my measurements.. unless i remove my built in wardrobe (which i badly want to), i wld have no space for it.. my built in wardrobe is almost 15 years old, custom made with my bed frame and table, with light grey carpet for my floor.. the carpet has long been removed and the table top changed, leaving the drawers and a new table top.. this set of furniture is pink and white.. very fitting for a girl.. but i'm not exactly a girl anymore.. mum refuses to remove the wardrobe.. its not exactly falling apart but of cos not new either.. perphaps its for memory sake that my mum wants to keep it.. but in this case, i have no space for my "the one"

pretty much like life isn't it? we have limited space in our hearts, limited time in our lives.. its important to get rid of emotional clutter.. if its time to let go, we should just do so.. but there are things that aren't so clear cut.. there's the bolster that you've drooled on while u slept, absorbed ur tears when you cry in the dead of the night, causing it to be mouldy.. do u throw it away? there's the old dictionary that accompanied u throughout school days.. do u throw it away? there's the bear that triggers your nose/throat irritation occasionally but u love it alot.. do u throw it away? there's the plant you've been nurturing for years, hoping it'll flower.. but it never did.. do u throw it away too? i hate myself for being an indecisive libra.. i need a dictatorial person in my life..

i made a very big error recently.. it might cost me my dream job in my dream company.. i think it already did anyway.. was super upset.. in my quest for retail therapy, guess where i went? no not taka.. not vivo.. not tangs.. not isetan.. not warehouse, topshop or zara.. not schu, not mondo, not charles & keith.. i'm kinda ashamed to say this but.. i went *whisper* NTUC!!! can u believe it?!! i couldn't!! i was practically in a daze.. i went to AMK hub cos i had a bag deal.. after that, i didn't want to go anywhere.. i felt like puking.. i decided i wanted to push a trolley.. where can i find a trolley? oh yes.. NTUC.. so i went.. while i was pushing it, i tot.. it might be good to grab stuff.. just grab.. i couldn't care less.. so i grabbed.. i even bought mid sized tomatoes, those still attached to the stem; cos i tot they'll look good in pictures.. -_-" i bought tons of food and some sparkling rose wine.. as i squatted along the aisle trying to decide on the kind of sauce i want for my tortellini, i even cried.. kel must have been so embarrassed.. but when i got home, i saw a letter chloe left me.. it was so touching and sweet.. i kinda cheered up a little.. of cos munching on foccacia with seafood spread and downing sparkling wine did help lots (cos it reminds me of audrey and liling.. we used to go for 'picnics').. but its not gonna remedy that bloody error... argh...

just buried myself in sand (read: shit)

a couple that i knw who've been married for almost 30 years revealed that they've dated for 10 years before getting married.. their strained relationship leaves me pondering about a lot of things..