its hard.. its hard being a perfect gf.. its harder trying to be e perfect gf the perfect daughter the perfect student the perfect tutor and the perfect sister and the perfect fren all at the same time.. perphaps u wld say that one doesn have to be perfect.. one just has to try her best.. and its enuf.. i suppose.. but ur definition of enuf will never be the same as another's definition of enuf..

yest, no matter wat decision i make, i will disappoint someone. and that someone is not me. there are 3 ppl involved.. but why is it that no one can stand in my shoes? he sees it fr his view, and is disappointed w me. she sees it in her view, and thinks that she has won the debate.. what abt me? i see it fr both sides and struggles to decide. why can't they both see it fr my side as well as the opposing side as well? its no fun being stuck in the centre..

perphaps i shld stop this bad habit of taking their happiness as my happiness.. but when she says she's proud of me, i bask in that praise.. for a long time.. and when he smiles that smile, saying he's so touched, so happy w what i've done, i am happy. but for a long time, she's not been proud of me.. she's been ashamed of me.. for whatever her reasons are and for however she defines success and goodness of character. and wHen i sense he's not happy and when he says he's disappointed, i cried.. i can't believe i actually cried..

my life's a bloody mess.. i shld never have given up that dream and that person.. gave up that dream to make someone happy and gave up that person to lack of courage. i'm a wuss.. and now, no one is happy.. especially myself..

i hate being stuck in the middle.. i hate catering to everyone's bloody feelings except my own.. i hate having to placate everyone while leaving my own emotions in tatters.. i hate the way my life has turned out.. i hate the mess i've made out of my own life.. can i start life all over again?