tOdAY, i wAs fOrced aGain, tO lOok at liFe & dEath sTraight in tHe fAce. iT maDe me cHange mY perception abOut sOme maTTers..

tHese haNdful oF mOnths i'vE beEn gOing tO hOspitALs wAy tOo ofTEn.. cLinics of dIfferNt speciAlisatIons, cEntres of dIfferenT tEsts aNd tReatmeNts.. iTs nOt a gOod tHing.. iT pRobably wLdn mEntally anD emOtionally dRain me as mUch if i wAs tHe one undERgOing uncERtainty.. it hUrts cOs iTs haPpening tO ppl i lOve.. iT hUrts cOs i wAn tO sUffer in tHeir plACe bUt i cAn't.. it hUrtS cOs i sO wANt tO tell tHem it'll be aLright.. bUt i cAN't.. cos it mAY nOt be..

i oNce rEAd tHis somewHere:
"it'll be alright in the end. if it isn't alright, it isn the end." oFten, wHen tHings haPpen, i repEAt tHat tO mysElf. bUt i'm sTarting tO dOubt its cRedibility.. wiLL it rEally be aLright in tHE enD?

iT reAlly wLd NOT be sUrpriSing if i dEcide tO be a nUn onE dAy. rEally. afTerall, i'vE been tHinking abOut it siNce sEc 1..

生命实在太累人。。






tHis coUple waS sitting behind mE on 74 tHis aFtn.. tHe girl prObably wAs tRying to leaN on the gUy's sHoulders oR tRying tO get a hUg or cUddle a bIT.. bUt the gUy kepT putTing her dOwn, sAYing tHings like

"go away la! dun disturb me!"
"when u r aLone hOw u sIt? ok. sIt like tHat NOW.."
"dUn leaN on me la.. u wAn tO lEAn, lEAn on tHE window."
"dUn tOuch me la.."
"dO u kNow u aRE veRY irritAting?"

he dIdn sOund like he wAs trying tO be cHeeky.. at one point in time, tHe gIrl sounDed qUite hUrt aNd waNTed tO geT off tHe bUs tO gO hOme bUT sHe wAs on tHe windOw sEAt aNd coulDn leaVe thE sEat coS the gUy waS obsTructing heR.. i dUnno whether sHe eVen made aN effort tO leaVe otHer tHan tRying to sTand up.. bUT i dun think she reAlly wanted tO gO home.. tHey laTer aLighted in thiS manner: tHe gUy abruptly sTood up aNd wAlked off.. tHE gIrl scAmpered aFter him.. like.. 2m awAy.. tHey got up tHe bUs tHe sAMe manner tHou.. maKEs me wOnder.. wAs i eVer like tHat befOre? or wLd i eVer be like tHat gIrl? obvioUsly sHe lOves tHe guy tOo much.. sUch thAt she's wiLLing tO puT up wIth him pUtting hEr dOwn in pubLic sO loudLy (i wAs blasTing musIc on mY mP3 aNd i cOuld heAR eVery wd of tHeirs lOud aNd clEAr)..

i rEm tHere wAs onE r/sp wHere i wAs sO sMitten tHat i aCtually aLLowed tHe gUy tO gRab mY fACe aNd sLap me in pubLic wHen i sAid sOmething he dIsagRees w aNd i aCtually didn do aNything abt it! bUt afTer i gOt hOme tHat day, i tOt tO mysELf.. 'hEy.. thats likE sO wRong!' i rEalised wHen a giRl loVes someoNe, sHe beComes vEry 小女人.. iSn it sUpposed tO be a gOod tHing? like.. isN it quiTe sweet? bUt wHy dO men often eXploit tHat dEpendEnce wOmen put oN tHem bY tHink tHat tHey arE pusHoverS? iT sEems tO me tHat tHe sTart of tHe eNd of a r/Sp is wHen tHe girL sTarts tO wHoleheaRtedly lOve tHe guy sHe's with.

a wOman is aT heR mOst sTUpid wHen sHe's in lOve. iF by lOving someoNe wHoleheaRtedly meANs i will be sTupid enouGh tO puT up w nOnsenSe, i dUn mind lOcking mY heARt up fOrevEr.






i lOVe it wHen i'm at NLB aNd it rAins.. cos NLB has nICe lOng glAss panes aNd thE vIew is nOT bad.. i aLso loVE rAinY nIghts wHen i'm wAlking aLong the oVerheAd bRidge.. if i haVe coMpany, i'll sTand on tHE oveRhEAd bRidge just waTching the rAin fall.. eVer reAlise it lOoks eSp pRetty whEn the orAnge lightS fR tHE sTreet lAmps sHine on thE fallinG rAin? sIghz.. if oNly eVerytime i'm aT NLB its fOr leiSure aND nOt for wK.. :(

“Three things cannot long be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. – Confucius”





tHe fIrst tHing my bRo did aFter rEAching hOme wAs tO tHrow dOwn hIs baRang aND bEAR hUg me w a lOud "JIE!!" pUt hIs cAP on mY heAD aNd i wAS haPpily plaYing w a bOtak hEad.. wAhaha..



oNce aGain, i'm beIng oVerprOtective of mY kId bRO.. nOt remeMbering tHat he's nO lonGer a kId.. he's oN hIs wAY tO beComing a mAn cApable of pRotecting his hOmeland if neEd be.. tHere aRe tHings he haS tO lEarn on hIs oWn.. eSP maTters of tHE heaRt.. tHere aRE pPle hE'll gIve hIs heARt tO aNd tEars he'll sHed.. sIgh.. aNd tHere's nOthing I cAN hlp hIm w eXcept tO lisTen.. i hOpe its eNough.. bUt we lOok oUt fOr eAch oTher..

aFter a lOng cHat yeSt, wE eXchAnged aDvices.. it wEnt tHis wAy..

mY advICe.. "u mUst leT hEr kNow wAT u did mA.. elSe how wlD sHe kNOw u cARE?"

hIs aDvice.. "XXX aGain? sTill lOok fOr u fOr waT? hE's aN asshOle lo. cRAp la he.. i kNow wHat he's tHinking.. hE waNts tO f**K u onLy lo! teLL him gO aNd dIE! cUt off hIs ****! wAit.. he dUn haVe! i foRgOt!"

-_-" hE bEcomes aN aGitated mAn wHen he hEArs XXX's nAme..





I haVe tO sAy, thiS is aMAzing.. nIck lEeson's sCandal is sUper paSse nOw tHat Jerome Kerviel hAS oVertAken him by sUch a lArge aMt.. *fAint* 4.9 bil eUro!
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Agence France-Presse - 1/25/2008 4:11 AM

Rogue trader blamed for 5-billion-euro French bank fraud
French banking giant Societe Generale said Thursday a single trader who fooled his bosses carried out a massive 4.9 billion euro (7.15 billion dollar) fraud -- one of the biggest in financial history.

Bank sources identified the trader as 31-year-old Jerome Kerviel, who had worked at Societe Generale in Paris since 2000 and had been on the trading desk since 2005. His whereabouts were unknown, although a member of his lawyer's office told AFP he was "not on the run."

Trading in the bank's shares was temporarily suspended at the bank's request and stock closed 4.14 percent down on news of the fraud and a 2.05 billion euro loss in the US subprime mortgage market.

The bank said the losses cut its 2007 profit to 600-800 million euros from 5.2 billion euros in 2006 and that it needed a capital increase of 5.5 billion euros to restore its balance sheet.

The fraud is another blow to investor confidence in a global banking sector already suffering from multi-billion dollar writedowns at some of the biggest lenders in Britain and the United States.

The case dwarfs that of Nick Leeson, the original British "rogue trader" who lost 1.5 billion dollars at Barings, causing the failure of the venerable British bank in 1995. Leeson commented Thursday that the international banking system "is as vulnerable as it was in my day."

French Prime Minister Francois Fillon -- speaking at the World Economic Forum in Davos -- said the fraud was "a serious matter but at the same time, it has nothing to do with the current situation on the global financial markets."

Societe Generale chief executive and chairman Daniel Bouton said the trader had used "extremely sophisticated and varied techniques" to carry out the fraud and that he "had the intelligence to escape all control procedures."

The bank, which insisted he had acted alone, said he took out "massive fraudulent directional positions in 2007 and 2008 beyond his limited authority."

Experts however had trouble accepting that Kerviel could have acted alone to cover up failed stock futures trading over a period of more than a year.

"The feeling in the dealing rooms is that it is not possible for an individual to do all that. They think Societe Generale has overdone the fraud to cover up some bad market operations," said Eli Cohen, an economy professor and research director for the National Centre for Scientific Research (CNRS).

"It seems a bit too much for such a loss to be hidden for a whole year," Cohen told AFP.

"One person alone cannot trigger such a catastrophe," commented Arnaud Riverain from the private firm Arkeon Finance. The bank's trading desk must have suffered from some "dysfunction", he said.

Marc Touati, an economist with Global Equities, said "everyone who works in banks knows that when losses reach a certain level, positions are closed. Losses could reach 100-200 million euros, but five billion, that's impossible."

Touati said that if the bank is telling the truth "there is a risk control problem, and this could put Societe Generale into disrepute, especially as its comparative advantage is to be the market champion."

Kerviel, who earned less than 100,000 euros per year, allegedly built up the huge losses dealing in derivatives tradings.

"The transactions which involved the fraud were simple -- taking a position on shares rising -- but hidden using extremely sophisticated and varied techniques," said Bouton in a statement.

He said the trader had been suspended after confessing to the fraud and that legal action would be taken against him.

Asked about his whereabouts, Bouton responded: "I don't know where he is."

One of France's three biggest banks, Societe Generale filed a court complaint against the trader, accusing him of falsifying bank documents, using falsified bank documents and unauthorized computer access.

And as the Paris prosecutor's office opened a preliminary investigation into the scandal, scores of shareholders lodged suit against the bank for fraud and misconduct.

The bank has already announced it was firing executives "responsible for the supervision and controls on the operations concerned."

Bouton, whose offer to resign was rejected, said both he and his deputy Philippe Citerne would forego their salaries for six months and their bonuses for 2007.

Finance Minister Christine Lagarde said she had asked the country's banking regulator to bring in tougher controls in response to the scandal.

Societe Generale said in a statement that the rogue trader had been carrying out what it called "vanilla futures hedging" on European equity markets -- industry jargon for the most basic kind of futures purchase.

It said he had an in-depth knowledge of the bank's control systems, and managed to cover his tracks "through a scheme of elaborate fictitious transactions."

These were discovered and investigated on January 19 and 20, it said.

A Societe Generale union source said it appeared that the trader had not acted for personal profit.

"The trader in question was experienced, knew how the bank worked. It seems he was playing the markets, but not for his own profit, and caused enormous losses," the source told AFP.

A human resources official described him as a "fragile" individual, "without particular genius" and facing family problems.

The scandal is only the latest of its kind to hit the international finance industry.

Three years after Nick Leeson caused the meltdown of Britain's Barings bank, Japanese trader Yasuo Hamanaka was jailed in 1998 for a decade of rogue trading which cost the Sumitomo Corporation of Japan 2.6 billion dollars.

In 2002 John Rusnak, a trader employed by Allied Irish Bank, was jailed for seven-and-a-half-years by a US court for losing the company 750 million dollars through unauthorised currency trading.

Societe Generale's stock has lost 20 percent of its value since the start of the year and 50 percent since last May.

The Fitch credit ratings agency lowered its ranking for Societe Generale debt to AA- from AA. Some analysts said the bank risked becoming a takeover target.





This post is dedicated to someone special.. someone who's always there.. someone who gives me more than what i can give in return..

Often, I flip open thick acadamic books and staring at me in the first page is..

"This book is dedicated to XYZ"

and i'll be thinking how it feels like to have a book dedicated to you. Its such a romantic and sweet gesture. Esp so when its an acadamic text. Think of all the research done behind those pages!

Today, something came close to that.. someone dedicated his Masters' thesis to me.. It may not be a big deal to anyone.. But i'm the kind who thinks that having someone name a star after me is sweeter than giving me a bling of equal size.



(nAme moSiac-ed to pRotect tHe 'innOcenT')

I'm blogging about this bcos i want him to know how much this means to me.. bcos i find that, over the years, just saying thank you over and over again isn enough.. I want him to know how much the thank you card meant to me. I want him to know what was said in the card meant a hell lot to me. Most imptly, i wan him to know, i really dun deserve this. Even though I barely understand 1/2 of what the thesis is about (its on Loop Quantum Gravity for goodness.. is it even in english?), I really appreciate it.. I want him to know, over the years, there's so much stuff that he has helped me with that i can't finish listing them. He means a lot to me and he doesn know that. He's a great friend to have and I wldn exchange this friendship for anything else. Not for a million dollars, not for imortality, not for marrying an oil tycoon bUt i might exchange this for one more audrey.. or one more yu jia.. or one more maine.. or even maybe one more clarissa.. or maybe one more tim, one more.. haha.. i'm kidding.. Anw I want him to know that I rem all of them. Its not the flowers, the bears, the stars, the shells & the everything else. Its the thought of doing it. I want him to know, what he has done for me is more than what I can do in return and that I'm sorry I can only let this be a friendship and nothing more.. But promise me.. Dote on me in our next life as u did in this.. ok?

P/S: I know you're reading this.. Dun pretend you aren't.. :)






beCause, eVen lOve eXpires.. hOw cAn tAngiblE sTuff nOt?
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i'M loving eVery minUte of plaNning fOr the cHiang mAi tHing.. eVen thou tHings cRop up, sitUation/infOrmation chaNges, such thaT we haVe to reView sOme parTs of the plAn over aNd oVer, i kNow i'm gOnna miss it whEn its excecUted aNd over.. mOst impTly, i'm plaNNing an activitY i lOve.. so all tHe cooRdinaTion, caLculaTion, aSKing for infOrmation, liaSing heRe tHere eVerywhERe isn sO tErrible at all.. :)





i rEAlised, i haVE a sERious prOBlem.. i've lOst tHE abiliTY tO SHOP!! aFter a haNdful of sHopping tRips, i haVe NOT seen anY clothing tHat i really like.. nOt at all.. acCessoRies, sHoes.. NONE! NIL! ZILCH! i went tO many plACes tO hUnt fOr CNY clothes.. in tHe end, i maNaged tO kinD of fALl in lOVe w ONE miserable piece..



iSn sHopping a "gIrl's tHing"? sOb.. wAts wRong w mE?






yeST i wAS at VIVO w ZH.. wE sAt at tHe sKy paRk fOr houRs.. jUSt waTching pple aRnd us, talkinG aBt ouR cHildhood, wAtching tHE sUn sET, cOunting sTars aNd lOoking aT tHe mOon while thE sTupid lAnd breeze bLew mY haIr in tHe wROng way.. bUT it wAS gREat.. it wAs.. waTs tHe wOrd fOR it? oh yeS.. it was enOugh..

itS a tHin liNe bTwn bEing hOnest aND being sTupid.. eNlighTen me on tHe eXAct dIfferEnce pls..
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iTs amAzing.. i gOt tO kNOw tHis gIrl as mY bUddy's gf (ex-gf now) aNd i tot tHat wld be wHo i'll knOw her as.. mY bUddy's ex.. bUT later i reAlised sHe's also mY couSin's ex colleagUE, mY cOusin's ex's oNce uPon a tIme sQueeze, mY ex's um.. sEc sCH maTE aNd maYbe something mOre.. nOw, sHe's alsO tHe gOod fRen aNd ex-colleagUe of a gIrl wHose brOther i'm gOing-out-wIth/aN ex-colleague..

gEe.. cAn the wOrld gEt anY sMaller?

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wHat happeNs wHen u kNow u like sOMeone, bUt nOt enOugh? its like.. u sEE a rEAlly nIce bAG.. u lOve it! bUT mAYbe its nOT 'the-one' nOT tHe kind tHat onCE u see it u kNOw u hAve tO haVe it.. so dO u bUy it? an aUthor oNCe sAid, if u wAlk awAy aNd sTill miss it, bUy it. if u wAlk awaY and fOrget abT it, then.. well.. good tHing u didn bUy it.. is it tHe sAme fOr r/sps? maYbe when i doubT it sO mUCh i dun lOve it tHAt mucH aftErall.. wHats loVE w/o a bIt of paSsion anD a wEe bIt of 冲动? yUp.. it dIEs off after a wHile.. bUT it wAS gOod wHile it laSted waSn it? if tHere was nOn of tHose firewKs in tHe 1st place..... i dunnoe.. its a nICe cHange.. quiet sTability.. bUt its bOring.. isN it? i eNjoy the quiet sTability tHAt comes w a sTable, potEntially lOng laSting r/sp.. tHe comfORt tHat sOmeonE is tHere fOR u, knOWing tHEre's someONE u cAN tRUst, tHe sEcure fEeling tHat u cAn be tOtally urseLf w sOmeone aNd he'll sTill loVE u fOr who u are.. bUT nO firEwks eVen at tHe sTart? i dunno if itS gonnA be a dOomed r/sp bUT like the cAse w tHe baG, i'm gOnna wAlk aWay foR nOw.. unTil i haVE tHe aNS.. aNd so, fOr tHe 1st tIme sInce 2008 sTarted, thIs sAt will nOt be 'ZH-day'.. tHis saT will be my 'bRo&mUmmy-day'
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"bEcOs wHen u sAid 'i lOve yOu', i sMiled.. aNd i tRied tO sAy i lOVe u tOo.. bUt i dUn waN tO lie.. bUt i'm nOt eVen sURe.. bUt i dUn wan tO hUrt you.."







为什么现在我听到他的甜言蜜语我会怕？tHink i'm tOo prACtical fOr sWeet nOthings.. cos.. thEy really mEAn nOthing.. if u cAre, sHow me u cARe.. dUn jUst sAy it.. eLse, itS jUSt emPty wOrds.. dOes he sHow it? i gUEss sO.. aNw i jUSt reaLised tHat someOne caN be DISTURBINGLY quiet.. aNd i tOt i lOVed sIlence.. sIghz.. wOmeN.. we'Re sO haRd tO plEAse..


我想过一件事不是坏的事
一直对自己坚持爱情的意思..
我不敢去证实爱你两个字
不是对自己矜持也不是讽刺..
如果你已经不能控制每天想我一次
如果你因为我而诚实..


如果你能给我如果的事..


sOmehOw wHen u sAy u cAre, i imAgine u iGnOring mE.. wHen u sAY u lOve me, i sEE u wAlking aWay fROm me.. wHen u sAY u tHink i'm pRetty i tHink of aUdrey telling me itS all lieS wHen gUys sAy that.. *sIghz* wHy dUn u hUg me? aNd i'll beLieve u lOVe me..






bCos.. bCos wHen i sAid hI, hE bLushed.. sO cUte cAn?

sAw aN intEresTing aRticle:

HOW TO HAVE A BAD DAY
Wake up late, in a panic
Rush to get ready
Dress hurriedly
Don't eat
Drink lots of coffee
No spiritual reflection
No exercise
Don't plan your day
Focus on your failures
Never smile
Be selfish and unfriendly
Criticize, blame, complain
Think negative thoughts
Dictate, direct, command
Don't forget to nag
Don't overlook mistakes
Grumble
No time for lunch
Harbor resentment
Keep rushing
Don't communicate
Keep it all to yourself
Worry about tomorrow
Be rigid and cranky
Retire with bad thoughts and a full stomach

HOW TO HAVE A GOOD DAY!
Wake up early - don't rush
Breath slowly and deeply
Exercise
Take 5 minutes to reflect
Greet everyone
Smile a lot
Compliment often
Communicate
Listen more - talk less
Beware of giving advice
View your work as a privilege
Express appreciation
Do your best
Welcome change
Relax your neck muscles
Plan time for relaxation
Throw away negative feelings
Let go of anger and guilt
Leave work at work
Review your accomplishments
Plan pleasurable events
Eat well at night
Recognize your blessings
Lots of love

sO.. i'm gOing tO haVe a gOod dAy tml if i cAn heLp it.. bUt i'm nOt gOing tO gIve up on cOffee yEt.. :P







seNt bRo off tO tEkong.. beFore hE wenT off tO thE parAde sQuare, i shouted "bYE! tAke cAre! have fUn!" eVen tHou tHe cOok hoUse wAS nOisy, quIte a nUmber of ppLE heARd aNd tUrned tO gIve me aN aMused lOok.. -_-" wHat? pOsitivE aTtitude mA.. wHats wROng? xp aNw bRo called hOme tHat nIght aNd e fIrst tHing he sAid wAS.. "jie, botAK liao.. haha.." cOol..

因为迷底揭晓了，所以一切都不好玩了。。gAme oVer.. i wIn..

i'm eAsily bOred.. tHis is bAd..






"oH rEallY? wAt a cOincidEnce.. i haPpen tO be fAlling iN lOve tOo.. hAha.. sO wHo aRE yOu in lOve w?"

"You :-)"

lEcture eArly in tHE moRn aFTer a full dAy of sCh fOr 2 dAys runninG (incL. nIght leCtures! zZz..) maDe me sO eXhausted i wAnted tO pUke.. tHAt, wAs mY aNti-pUking mEDcine.. :)
也许我只会让彩虹呆一阵子，因为我相信曾经拥有，胜过天长地久。。bUt i'll rEm yOu..
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mY lUcky cRystal sTar reAlly dOes bring mE sOme lUck! tWice wHen i haPpen tO be wEAring it aND gOt sTuck in tHE rAin, kINd ppLE appEar tO sHare tHeir bROlly w me! sO sWt! laSt nIght i wAS cAught in tHE rAin aGain! aND a cUtie aSked mE if he cOuld sHelter mE aCross tHE rOad.. tHank gOodness fOr hIm else i'll be sLeeping only aT 1am? aNd he nIcely heLped mE aVoid pUddles so i dUn wEt mY hEels.. i sHld dO the sAme for oThers tOo if i eVer bRing a bRolly oUt :)





“我比想象中爱你。。”sWeet..





wAs aN eVentful dAy yeSt.. aLso a dAy of maNy 'firsTs'..

aTtenDed mY eX-cO's socCer maTch w a cOurier cO. we wK cLosely w @ KallAng..
hAd mY 1St mOvie aT maRina sq (i dIdn eVen kNow tHey haD a tHeatrE!)
1St tIme vIsiting 爱情海-民歌餐厅 (e sTage's bEautiful bUt i dIDn tAKe a pic of it -_-)
1St tIme dAting suCh a dEcisivE, honeSt, aDorable-in-a-silly-way gUy :)



sAdly, i aLso rEAlised tHat, oNce tHings sTart tO geT serious, i fEel like rUnning aWay aGain.. eVen tHou i'm sO vERy sUre i lOve mY sMall cAp sTock tO bIts..

bcOs tHis tIme its nOt a gAme, i sUddenlY dUnnO wAt tO expECt.. tHe cOmfOrtaBle dIStanCE, tHE relAxing siLence, enJoyable cOmpanIonsHip.. its mOre tHan wHat i'vE hOped fOr..

sO wHats tHe pRoblem?! -_-"
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"If I could tell you that, I wouldn't have to dance it."
Isadora Duncan, when asked what one of her dances meant.







幸福提示 18: aN uNexpeCted mSg fRom aN imPt sOmeonE.. :)

幸福提示 19: a bOwl of bOiling hOt bAk kUt tEh on a cOld wIndy dAy..

i cAn't dEcide wHich oNe maKes mE haPpier..
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HOW POOR ARE WE?

One day a father took his son and rich family to a trip to the country with the firm purpose to show his son how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night in the farm of a very poor family. When they got back from their trip the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "Very good Dad!" replied his son.

"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.

"Yeah!"

"And what did you learn?"

The son answered, "I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden; they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden; they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard, they have a whole horizon." When the little boy was finishing, his father was speechless.

His son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are!"

Our outlook on life depends on the way you look at things. What others may think as riches, others may want. The most important things in life are your friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude towards life. If you have these then you have everything!

"The great question ... which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'" - Sigmund Freud





i sPent thE laSt dAy of 2007 w pple wHo calls mE Xinying aNd i sPent the 1St dAy of 2008 w sMall cAp sTock.. :) i'm sUrprisEd at hOw tHese tWo daYs tUrned out.. i tot i wld just rOt at hOme cos i waNNa avoid the cRowd.. bUt i'm gLad i went oUt.. aNd i'm haPPy w how my 2007 ended..



hAven had sUch a sTress-fRee, eNjoyable luncH in gOodneSs knows wHen! *lOves* :D wHen caN we haVe a tHree-some aGain? :)

aLL tHese pple kNew me aS Xinying.. meANing thEY wEre mY frEns when i wAS ugliER, wHen i diDN like myself mUch, wHen i wAs uncErtain of a lOt of tHings in liFE, wHen i wAS haVing lOts of iSSues w wHat's rIght aNd wRong, wHen i wAS sTruggling bTwn dreams aNd reAlity, wHen i wAS lEarning tO lOve aNd tO lEt go. mOst impTly, tHese fRens wHo knEw mE as XY liKed me (or dIdn hate me) wHen i diDn eVen like mYself mUch.. hoW caN i nOt lOve tHese sWeetieS tO bIts?

is thIs tHe sTart of aN eNd or is tHis tHE sTart of 'fOrevEr'?